


Tangled roots

by mara_cas



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Clubbing, Eventual Yue/Sing, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sharing a Bed, The angst is minor and only caused by pining, Yut-Lung is Ash’s reluctant roommate, but it's very background, it’s all fluff with no painful background for Ash or anyone else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-01 10:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20256823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mara_cas/pseuds/mara_cas
Summary: Ash and Eiji have been best friends for as long as Ash can remember. When Ash moves away and leaves Eiji behind, neither of them is prepared to close this chapter of his life.Years later, they meet again in New York. Can they pick up their relationship where it left off or will they have to start over completely?





	1. Chapter 1

Wiping sweat off his forehead, Ash straightens himself and looks at the work he accomplished.

The room he occupies in his newly acquired apartment is now fully his: everything is out of the moving boxes and has found a place into the room. His books are neatly organized by alphabetic order in the bookshelves, the double bed is made with his own sheets, and his clothes are folded into the closet, as it should be. 

For now, the place looks tidy enough. It probably won’t last once Ash will have completely taken his quarters into the room though, so he tries to commit the sight to memory.

By the large window, the midday sun is shining brightly above New York, its light hitting harshly the outline of the buildings he can see in the distance.

Only one box is left on Ash’s bed, still filled with the stuffs he plans to have on his desk. He quickly works it open and begins to go through its contain.

Soon, he takes out the last of its items, a framed picture, and pauses. The photograph is one he knows well, as it has never left Ash’s desk since it was taken, and yet he still finds himself contemplating it sometimes, when he is hit by a sudden wave of nostalgia. 

On the picture, two boys are looking at the camera. Their faces split by large smiles, they are holding each other by the shoulders. One is his younger self, a boy with wild blond hair and green eyes. The other is his best friend: slightly taller than Ash, his dark hair and eyes are so different from his, but his joyful expression is the same.

Staring at the picture always comes with its particular brand of wistful sadness, even as the happiness radiating from the boys never fails to make Ash’s lips twitch up. It’s and ache he welcomes, because hurting is better than forgetting, and Ash would never want to forget Eiji.

“I did it Eiji,” Ash feels silly talking out loud to a photograph in an empty apartment, but the moment calls for it. “I’m in New York. I wish I knew where on earth you could possibly be right now.”

Settling the picture on his desk, Ash allows the memories to wash over him. He remembers being eight and looking at a world map, his best friend lying next to him on the carpeted floor of his bedroom.

“Hey, Eiji. Where do you want to live when you’re grown up?”

He remembers that Eiji hadn’t even glanced at the sprawled map.

“I don’t know. Wherever you want is fine by me.” he had replied, a tad mindlessly, his attention half-occupied by the book he was reading.

Ash him, had stared at the map. “New York.” he had stated decidedly. “That’s where I want to be.”

“Really? Why?”

Ash’s answer didn’t make much sense, back then. He had talked about how cool the city that never sleeps seemed to be, with its endless streets and lights and peoples. About how there was always so much happening there, when their own small city was so boring and empty.

Of course, Eiji had shared his excitement. They shared everything, after all.

Ten years later, considering Universities’ programs and offers, Ash had come across the NYU and remembered the pull he had felt toward the city. Of course, his decision to study there hadn’t been entirely based on a childish dream, but it had definitely played a role.

A loud knock on the front door has Ash quit his haze. Right, Ash’s roommate is also supposed to move in today, so it can only be him.

Maybe Ash has chosen the apartment in a hurry. Maybe accepting to share it with a person he had never met was careless. But the last tenants were leaving, and their renter had lowered the apartment’s price in hope of finding quickly two new people to occupy it, proposing a deal Ash would have been stupid to refuse.

And well, he doesn’t know much people into the city. Perhaps sharing his home with another student will be nice…

…Or maybe it will be awful. By habit, Ash prefers not to hope for anything good as he walks to the door.

_Please, at least tell me he won’t be a creep_, he still finds himself thinking. Surely, it’s not asking for too much…

The door opens itself when he reaches it –which makes sense since his roommate is supposed to also have the keys to their shared flat— and behind it stands a boy who looks slightly younger than Ash.

The teenager has long hair flowing on his shoulders and is dressed elegantly, holding himself with a certain poise. But what catches Ash’s attention immediately is his expression: lips pinched, brow furrowed, the boy stares Ash up and down, his grimace of disgust only deepening when he looks Ash in the eyes again.

“Hi,” Ash begins, a bit awkwardly because he didn’t expect his new roommate to look anything _like that _and is still a bit shocked. “I’m Ash. You must be Yut-Lung, right?”

“That’s right.”

There is a short silence while Yut-Lung steps into the apartment, with three men on his heels, their arms full of cases and moving boxes. One of them bows slightly before Yut-Lung when the young man stares around himself.

“Mister Yut-Lung. Where do you want us to put your possessions?”

Instead of replying, Yut-Lung asks Ash for a rapid tour of the apartment, and Ash tries to be as quick as he can because all the while, the three men stay in the hall with their arms still full of Yut-Lung’s stuffs, and there’s no way they’re not tired from it by now.

Yut-Lung barely says two words to Ash as he looks around the place, but his disgusted expression shows slight shifts now and then. Ash guesses he will have to decipher their meaning, if he wants to understand his roommate.

He observes from afar as Yut-Lung gives instructions to the men, and then decides to return to his room while Yut-Lung is settling in. Slumping on his bed, he presses his lips together to repress a sigh.

He can already tell it’s going to be a difficult cohabitation.

It’s late when Yut-Lung joins Ash in the kitchen. He’s still wearing his fancy clothes, as well as his disgruntled expression.

“I was going to order some food.” Ash says as an offering of peace. “You want me to order you something?”

Yut-Lung sits on a stool, leaning his head in his hands on the kitchen’s counter.

“I guess.” he replies unenthusiastically. He lets out a tired breath. “I’m already missing my cook.” he mutters to himself.

“You had a cook?”

“We had a personal cook at home. You never know how much something is worth until you lose it, right?”

Ash nods noncommittally. The three men who helped Yut-Lung settle in, a personal cook, wealthy clothing… Yut-Lung doesn’t look like the archetype of the penniless student in need of a roommate.

“What made you chose to share an apartment?” he asks, curious. “You don’t really look like you are short on money.”

Yut-Lung’s eyes gleam with satisfaction. “Thank you, I indeed am not. However, my mother wanted me out of the house so I could… _learn real life by myself_.” Yut-Lung rolls his eyes like the idea is ridiculous. Ash has barely spent twenty minutes straight with him, and he already understands what Yut-Lung’s mother was coming at with that.

Too bad playing the babysitter for a spoiled mommy’s boy is definitely not a part of Ash’s plans for the year.

They talk a bit while they wait for the food to come, but the conversation is painful to them both. Soon, Ash wants nothing more than to go back into his room and scream his frustration into a pillow.

Yut-Lung is simply… _so much_. Not only he is clearly a rich boy who was pampered all his life, but he is also downright irritating. It quickly becomes apparent that they will have to learn to live _around_ each other instead of _with_ each other if they want their cohabitation to work.

Yut-Lung is also very adamant in settling rules he wants Ash to follow. None of them are really out of the line and mainly concern hygiene and personal space, but his lofty attitude makes it hard to agree.

“And another thing. I don’t want this apartment to be a fuck house. You do what you want in your bedroom, but I want your one-night stand out before I come out of my room to eat breakfast.”

Ash rolls his eyes. “And what makes you think I’m not in a committed relationship?”

“Please. You reek loneliness, it’s written all over your face.”

Jesus. Ash usually likes people who are straightforward, he really does. But to _this_ extent? Yut-Lung is really running on his last nerve and the food still _isn’t there_.

“I’m not _lonely_, thank you for your concern.” he grits. “And I’m not the one-night stand type either, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Yut-Lung doesn’t seem convinced. “Really? A pretty boy like you, just out of high school and discovering the freedom of living on his own? You want me to believe you are not going to bring here a different girl every night?”

“That’s right. And actually, if you must know, I am not ‘just out of high school’. I took a gap year to make money before taking the college road.”

“I see.” Yut-Lung looks barely interested. “My point still stands. All I ask is for the poor girl sharing your bed to be out of the apartment before I wake up.”

Ash ends up agreeing to most of Yut-Lung’s rules, because it really is easier than fighting him and he doesn’t really care.

They eat their meal in their respective rooms.

It’s definitely going to be a difficult cohabitation.

\---

(Ash is six years old when he meets his other half. It all begins with a simple question, asked by a weird kid under the slide of a public playground, where Ash was curled up on himself, hiding from Griffin’s worried eyes. 

“Your hair is very blond. You want to be my friend?”

Ash raises his head slowly, removes his hands from his eyes. Standing in front of him is another child, with a mop of dark messy hair and the biggest eyes Ash has ever seen. Said eyes manages to widen even larger, when the kid notices that Ash is crying.

“Oh.” the child says, his expression already shifting from surprise to concern. “Are you okay?” He has a strange accent that makes his voice sound funny. Ash has never heard anything like that before.

Ash sniffles loudly. “No, I am not. I’m crying.” he states, and he gives the kid the bad look that makes other children – and even sometimes adults – take a step back in fear.

The kid doesn’t move an inch. “Can I help you?” he asks gently, before looking around himself. “Where’s your mom?”

“I don’t have a mom.”

“Oh.” The eyes widen again, then the kid tilts his head in though. “Then I could… go search _my_ mom, to help you? My mom is nice, you will see.”

Ash sighs, then. The kid seems really set on _not_ leaving him alone. “No, it’s alright.”

The other nods once, his face breaking into an easy smile. “You’re not crying anymore! Do you feel better?”

He really has a nice smile. Ash feels kind of silly for being upset, suddenly, confronted to such a happy face. The source of his tears is also embarrassing, and he doesn’t want to explain it to the kind child.

“I—” Ash hesitates. He sort of _does_ feel better. At the very least, he doesn’t feel like continuing crying alone in his corner. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He gets on his feet and is surprised to be smaller than the other child.

“Good.” the kid is still smiling brightly. “I’m Eiji. Do you want to be my friend?”

Ash acquiesces slowly, watches the smile widen on Eiji’s lips. “Eiji.” he repeats, testing the foreign name on his tongue. “You can call me Ash.”)

\---

When Eiji feels his phone buzz in his pocket, he is quick to exit the closet he turned into an improvised dark chamber. He was waiting for this call, and is already smiling when he raises the phone to his ear.

“Hi Yu—"

“Eiji I swear to god. My roommate is the worst human being.”

Eiji tries not to laugh, but he knows Yut-Lung hears the chuckle that escapes his throat, because he groans in the phone.

“I’m serious Eiji! Take this seriously, I’m in a crisis!”

Of course, Yut-Lung would be in a crisis. Eiji had predicted he would be. When he had learned that _Yut-Lung_, the most difficult, self-centered, egoistical person he knew, planned to live with a_ roommate_, as in another human being with feelings and who wasn’t motivated into being nice to him because Yut-Lung was the one signing paychecks; Eiji was willing to bet it would go wrong right from the start.

Sing, being strangely optimistic for once, had taken the bet, assuring that Yut-Lung would be able to keep himself from being a diva for at least a few days. He was certain Yut-Lung would at the very least try to pretend everything was fine, if only to save face in front of them.

Yut-Lung’s reaction is already proving Eiji right. He can’t wait to rub it in Sing’s face.

“Yut-Lung.” Eiji allows himself a little sigh. “I knew this would happen, but I’m not sure your roommate is really the problem...”

Yut-Lun’s affronted gasp is so loud Eiji has to take the phone away from his ear.

“Are you saying this is _my _fault if _he_ is awful?”

Eiji rolls his eyes silently. “I’m saying you’re not good at… _cooperating_ with others. You know it, don’t try to pretend otherwise. It would have taken a miracle for you to like your new roommate.”

“I didn’t call so you could slap me in the face with my flaws, Eiji.” Yut-Lung whines in the phone. “I called so you could hear me complain about this error of human nature that is my roommate. If you were a real friend, you would have understood it immediately.”

“Alright, alright.” Eiji smiles, defeated. “I’m ready to listen, tell me everything.” He sits on his couch, knowing he needs to be comfortable because Yut-Lung will most likely go on and on about the poor soul who had the terrible luck of becoming his roommate.

“I don’t even know where to start!” Yut-Lung exclaims. “He’s just… so rude! The things he told me…! Also, he owns like, three exactly similar white tee-shirts that looks like they come right from Walmart. Why does he need three white shirts for, Eiji?”

“Yut-Lung.” Eiji says calmly. “Have you looked into his wardrobe?”

“Of course I did! I needed to check if he wasn’t a serial killer! Or worse… a _pervert_!”

Eiji sighs. “And a wardrobe can tell you someone is or isn’t?”

Yut-Lung doesn’t seem to hear him, because he continues. “He’s got no affinity with fashion anyway. He wears ripped jeans, Eiji. Who the hell wears ripped jeans passed fifteen?”

Eiji hums noncommittally. Nothing Yut-Lung says seems worth putting himself into a tizzy, for now. He was right to guess Yut-Lung was blowing things out of proportions.

“And he is so freaking handsome!” Yut-Lung continues, as if being handsome was one fatal flaw. “I already know he’s the chick magnet type who will invite friends over way too often and listen to bad emo music way too loud and—"

“Isn’t there anything good you can tell me about him?”

Yut-Lung seems to be thinking long and hard about it, because he falls oddly silent.

“I guess… Since he doesn’t take care of himself, he let the bathroom’s cabinet empty for my beauty products...”

“See! This is very nice!”

“But! Like I said, it’s because he doesn’t fucking take care of himself! All he got is a soap that he uses for his hair and body!”

“How could you possibly know that?”

Yut-Lung huffs dismissively. “Because I smelled him, of course. Smells like cheap soap from head to toes.”

“Oh my god. You’re such a creep. Poor guy.”

“You_ have_ to meet him. Once you hate him as much as I do and realize I was right all along, we will talk again and you will feel sorry you doubted me.”

“You think I would hate him?”

“Ugh. Right.” Yut-Lung expires loudly. “I guess you wouldn’t. You don’t have a hating bone in your body after all. So boring.”

Yut-Lung is complaining for what feels like ages, and yet Eiji is still unable to outline his roommate’s character. His friend didn’t exactly provide a helpful description.

“And how did the two of you got along? I mean, you said you disliked him, but do you think you will still be able to cohabit?”

“Well… I think we will. I’m sure he will mostly leave me alone, if anything. And he did agree to the rules I settled, which is good. He even stated some rules of his own. Like: no Halloween parties or decorations, especially not pumpkins. He says it’s because he’s allergic, but I’m sure he lied. Weird, right?”

“Hum.” Eiji acquiesces thoughtfully. “No pumpkins? I had a friend who was afraid of those.”

“_Afraid_? How can someone be afraid of pumpkins?”

“Well, he was a kid, back then. Kids all have weird fears, right?”

“I guess.” 

Yut-Lung continues to talk about his new apartment –and how very small it is— but Eiji isn’t listening too closely anymore. It’s strange how the smallest things can bring his thoughts back to a friend he didn’t hear from since he was thirteen. But he guesses this is only normal, when friends grew up so tightly together.

Some things will probably always be tangled with Ash Lynx, in his mind. Pumpkins are one of them. Eiji feels himself smiling when he wonders how Ash would react to this association. Although his childhood best friend probably outgrew his fears of Jack-O-lanterns, now that he is an adult.

For what is surely the thousand time, Eiji wonders what Ash has become, now. Wherever he is, Eiji hopes he is living his best life. What he would give to see him again, if only to see for himself that his friend is alright and well…

“So, you’re still going out with Jasper tomorrow night, right?”

Yut-Lung’s question immediately pulls Eiji out of his thoughts.

“Well, yeah… he already texted me two times to confirm it… I don’t know why he seems to think I risk forgetting, do I really look so untrustworthy?”

There’s an irritated breath at the other end of the call. “He doesn’t fear you’ll forget it, Eiji. He fears you’ll change your mind. Which you should, by the way. You could do much better and he knows it.”

Eiji lets out a small groan. He doesn’t want to have this conversation again. “He tried to invite me thrice this week! I didn’t have any excuse left…”

“Gosh, instead of making up excuses, you should have told him you weren’t interested. I think it would have been much more correct.”

“But he seemed so _happy_ about it… I didn’t know how to refuse without being harsh… And, who knows, it could be nice, right? Jasper is a cool guy.”

“Jasper’s boring and basic. You don’t like boring guys.”

Eiji can’t really disagree with the statement, which is frustrating. He hates it when Yut-Lung is right.

“Well, I decided I would go, so it doesn’t matter what you say about it! Plus it’s been a while since I ate at Chang Dai, it will be—”

“Wait. You’re taking him to Chang Dai?”

“Well, technically, _he_’s taking me. But, yeah, why?”

Eiji has barely finished his question that he knows what is coming.

“…Will you tell me if you see Sing there?”

And… here it came.

“Yut-Lung! Not this again!”

“Eiji, _please_!” Yut-Lung whines dramatically. “Sing’s been so weird lately, I swear we’re barely hanging out together anymore, and when he doesn’t try to make up excuses not to see me, he’s all… well weird and uncomfortable. I _know _something is going on!”

“Yue—”

“He told me he had to work at Chang Dai tomorrow night, because one of the staffs is ill. All I ask is for you to confirm it’s true.”

Eiji holds on a sigh. He guesses he can at least do that. He really needs to find time to talk to Sing and reassure Yut-Lung he is only getting in his own head. There’s probably a good explanation to Sing’s new behavior.

“Alright. I will let you know if I see him.”

“Thank you. Also, if you see him, tell him my trip to Hong Kong will be earlier than planned.”

“Really? When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow. I guess you will tell me about whether Sing lied to me or not when I’m back.” 

“So soon?” Eiji exclaims, surprised. “But you just moved in…”

“Yeah, but my mother had to move our departure’s date forward, for boring business-related reasons. I’ll be back in a week anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“Alright… It’s too bad you’re leaving so soon, I wanted to see your apartment…”

“Believe me, there isn’t much to see. But I will show you around when I come back… _If_ it’s still in one piece then.” Yut-Lung jests. “My roommate seems to be a disaster in every sense of the word.”

Eiji chuckles. “Well, you two should get along just fine, then.”

He would swear he can hear Yut-Lung roll his eyes at the other end of the call.

“I have to go now, Eiji. I’ll see you when I’m back.”

“Yes, I—”

“And if Jasper is too boring, do _not_ hesitate to leave in the middle of the dinner. So you have something interesting to tell me when I return, for once.”

Eiji huffs. “Bye, Yut-Lung.”

“Bye, bunny. Take care of yourself while I’m away!”

Eiji hangs up with a smile. Sometimes he doesn’t know how to explain the unlikely friendship he formed with Yut-Lung after meeting him at an art course the teenager wasn’t even following, but sometimes, it just feels right.

\---

(Her daughter securely sat on her knees, Mrs. Okumura watches over the playground with her attentive gaze. Her son disappeared from her sight some minutes ago, and she is currently holding back from leaving the bench and look for him.

It’s not her fault if she can’t help but worry when Eiji is away from her. Her boy is resourceful, but he is also quick to trust and quicker again to find himself into troubles. Her husband keeps telling she needs to let him live, that Eiji can only learn by being stung when too careless, but it’s hard for her to accept it.

Eiji finally reappears from the other end of the playground, holding a younger kid by the hand, and his mother can let out a relieved breath. 

“Mom!” Eiji begins to run when he spots her, dragging the other child with him. “Mom, I made a friend!” he exclaims proudly as he reaches her, showing off the other kid beside him.

Said kid blushes upon being presented with so much enthusiasm. He glances warily at Mrs. Okumura before mumbling a shy _“nice to meet you, I’m Ash.”_

Mrs. Okumura smiles at him. It’s really an adorable kid, with light blond hair and cute rosy cheeks. He is gripping her son’s hand like a lifeline, his eyes cast toward his feet.

“Mom, can Ash come play at our house tomorrow?” Eiji asks, raising his pleading eyes toward her.

Mrs. Okumura knows better than to be weak to this look.

“If his parents agree to it, then of course.” she replies calmly.

“Oh. But Ash doesn’t have any parents…”

“He doesn’t?” Mrs. Okumura stares back at the younger child, surprised, and sees him half-shrug in response.

“My older brother already agreed. Look he is coming your way to meet you.” he says, pointing a finger in the direction of a young man, who is indeed walking toward them.

“So, it’s okay?” Eiji is already pulling on Ash’s hand. “Thank you, mom!” He turns to his friend. “Come, Ash. We have some time to play while they talk!”

Ash’s older brother looks even younger from up close. Too young to be in charge of a child, and yet he confirms to Mrs. Okumura that he is indeed the one taking care of Ash –or Aslan like he calls him, which is quite confusing.

He presents himself politely as Griffin Callenreese and thank her for accepting to have Aslan over. She decides immediately to invite the two brothers to dinner. Neither of them looks like he eats enough in her opinion.

Little did she know then, that she would find herself caring for the Callenreeses as much as for her own family in the following years. It happens slowly, after all. The Callenreeses slide into their life naturally, as Aslan and Eiji grow closer and closer; and soon, the two families share a whole lot than just the friendship between their sons.

Aslan is younger than Eiji by two years, and yet sometimes it barely shows when he talks. Mrs. Okumura likes to say that he is very bright for his age, but she doesn’t realize the extent of his intelligence until one particularly event occurs.

She is simply going back from the garden when it happens, and finds Aslan sat at their kitchen’s table, his nose deep into a pile of papers on which she wrote her accountancy for the month and left there to deal with later. Eiji is drawing by his side, pastel crayon all over his hands and face.

The scene has her pausing.

“Oh, Aslan sweetie, these are not for playing...” She hurries to the table. “I hope you didn’t draw on—”

Aslan raises his head from the papers. “I noticed some irregularities in your accountancy, Mrs. Okumura. You made a few mistakes when calculating your expenses of the month. Here, I made corrections.”

She takes mechanically the sheets of paper Aslan gives her, already prepared to find her calculations all scribbled upon by a cheeky seven-years-old boy. She wasn’t prepared for the new numbers added in the margins in a childish handwriting.

“It’s—” She glances over the calculations. It’s only additions and subtractions, but it’s impressive for a kid this young. “Jesus. How did you even—?”

Aslan shrugs, seeming disinterested now that she has taken notice of her miscalculations. He turns toward Eiji and peers at his drawing.

“What did you draw? It looks cool.”

“It’s a bunny!” Eiji shows him his drawing proudly. Above their shoulders, Mrs. Okumura wonders distantly how could her son manage to put so much blue crayon on his face when his bunny is entirely drawn with pink. “You want me to teach you how to draw one yourself?”

Aslan nods. “Can you show me how to draw a cat also?”

“Sure!”

Mrs. Okumura leaves the kitchen quietly dumbfounded, her accountancy still in hands. She will learn later from Griffin that Aslan puts his nose everywhere and that his older brother often lets him _“help”_ when he does his own calculations.

When she looks into the kitchen again a few minutes later, she sees her son chase his friend around the table with an orange pastel crayon. The two of them now have crayon all over their faces and arms, and she knows she should get mad at them… But they seem so happy she doesn’t have the heart to interrupt them.

The scolding will come later, once they are calmer and she has to coerce them into taking a bath. For now, she decides to leave them be.)

\---

Ash is walking to the campus cafeteria when_ it_ happens and changes his day entirely.

_“Bye, _Eiji_! See you tomorrow!”_

Ash hears the name shouted somewhere on his right and turns in that direction, his heart leaping in his chest. He never met anyone else with the same name as his childhood best friend. However, Eiji did mention once that his name was common in Japan, which means…

…It could be anyone. The probability that he would overhear someone calls_ his_ Eiji by chance is—

_“See you!”_

There isn’t place for doubt once Ash has fully turned his head toward the source of the voice. The teenager busy waving goodbye in the other direction is too vividly familiar for him to be anyone else.

Eiji Okumura. The best friend he lost eight years ago.

For a moment, Ash can only stare, too surprised to even realize. Last he saw Eiji, he was a child, but Ash has no troubles recognizing him anyway. The same big warm eyes. The fluffy dark hair. The brightest smile he’s even seen.

There are a million thoughts passing through Ash’s mind and it forces him to stay frozen. As much as he wants to call Eiji’s name, he can’t help but hesitate. What if Eiji doesn’t recognize him after all these years? What if he has forgotten Ash and looks at him like a stranger?

Then, Eiji walks away from the other teenager and his eyes meet Ash’s. Shock passes on his face, his eyes widening impossibly larger, and he freezes, realization dawning on him. His mouth opens on a silent word that could very much be Ash’s name.

And just like that, he breaks in a wide smile and is suddenly running toward Ash.

“A-Ash!” Eiji stops just in front of Ash, his arms half-open. “I can’t believe… Oh my god it’s you! It’s really you!”

Ash’s world is rotating again, his mind finally accepting that no, this isn’t a dream. He collects himself the best he can and smiles, because fuck it’s so good to see him and Eiji clearly hasn’t forgotten him and—

Eiji steps forward and hugs him. Ash lets out a small hiccup of surprise as warmth enfolds him suddenly, Eiji’s arms circling his body just like he used to do in the old days, when they were children.

It ends as quickly as it started, Eiji already stepping back, his face suddenly flushed.

“Sorry. I— It was weird right? I’m sorry, I didn’t think, I just… I’m just so happy to see you, I—”

Eiji looks clearly flustered by his own outburst of affection. A finger sheepishly grazing at his cheek, his eyes are glued to the floor as he babbles his excuses.

His friend has always been quick to apologize. But being embarrassed because he showed Ash physical affection? This is uncommon, and it sits badly with Ash.

It’s to be expected, of course. Like Eiji said, it _should_ have been weird for Ash to be hugged so quickly by someone he hadn’t seen since he was an eleven-years-old boy. But Ash doesn’t want it to be weird. Their relationship has always been as simple and natural as breathing, and he doesn’t want to acknowledge anything but that.

“No, it’s okay,” he says. “Don’t worry about it. I’m… I’m happy to see you too, I can’t believe—”

And there, Ash has to pause. Because Eiji just looked up from the floor, interrupting his nervous tirade, and Ash—

And Ash realizes he has to look down at Eiji to stare at him in the eyes. He is looking _down._

“Eiji. You’re _small_.”

He really is. His forehead would be level with Ash’s lips, if they compared their heights from up close like they used to do when one of them had the impression he had gone through a sudden growth spurt. Ash didn’t realize immediately because Eiji had certainly tiptoed to be able to wrap him in a hug, earlier.

His blurted-out realization has Eiji freezing, and his eyes travel on Ash, taking him from head to toes, surprise making his eyes grow wide again.

When he meets Ash’s eyes once more, he is frowning, a displeased pout stretching his lips.

“I’m not small.” he protests, an irritated gleam in his dark eyes. “You’re just… Well, you’re tall!”

His tone sounds so accusatory that Ash can’t retain the laugh that bubbles in his throat. He still can’t believe—

“Hell yeah, I finally am. Didn’t I always say I would outgrow you in the end?”

Eiji puffs his cheeks in annoyance, and it amazes Ash how his pouty expression is the exact same one he used to wear as a child, yet somehow doesn’t seem displaced at all on his adult’s face.

“I can’t believe the very first thing you do after eight years apart is to brag because you are slightly taller than me.” Eiji huffs, his eyebrows knitted down.

Ash notes that Eiji gave the exact amount of years since they last saw each other. He didn’t say something vague like _after all those years_, no. As if he had counted these years just like Ash did.

“_Slightly_ taller?” Ash repeats, darting a brow. “Did your vision get impaired while you aged?”

“Gosh, you didn’t change one bit. You’re still a brat.”

There’s something fond under Eiji’s exasperation, a small smile tugging at his lips. It makes Ash feel all warm inside.

“And you’re still overly sensitive.” he counters lightly.

Eiji looks like he is going to retort with a quip on his own, but it seems he thought better of it, because he pauses, and his expression softens in a smile.

And he still looks so much like… Well, like _himself_. The_ himself_ that has lived in Ash’s mind since they last saw each other. Which shouldn’t be surprising; and yet Ash feels oddly relieved to realize that when he looks in Eiji’s eyes, he doesn’t see a stranger.

Not that Eiji didn’t change at all, of course. If he still has the same innocent eyes and round cheeks that have always made him looks so much younger than his age, the kid has become a beautiful young man. He is taller, of course –although _much_ shorter than Ash. His features have obviously matured, and from what Ash can see under the sleeves of his tee-shirt, his noodle’s arms are now broader.

Ash remembered Eiji to be cute. Adorable. Sweet.

He didn’t remember him to be _also_ handsome.

Heat hits his cheeks at the thought. Is it weird of him to think _like that_ about his childhood best friend? Dammit, it surely is.

“It’s so good to see you again, Ash.” Eiji says softly, unaware of Ash’s inner struggle. “I can’t believe this is really happening! How is it even possible?”

Ash shifts a little on his feet. He didn’t realize how much he had missed hearing Eiji’s say his name…

“Yeah, I’m still shocked, to say the truth. What are you even doing in New York? Visiting?”

“Visiting?” Eiji’s smile widens. “I _live_ here, Ash. Just like we used to dream when we were children, remember?”

Ash’s breath itches in his throat. Well yes, he remembers perfectly. Except that it was just a piece of their dream, the most important part being them living _together_ in New York. Their childish promise of doing so seems so far away, now.

Eiji’s phone buzzes suddenly, and he takes it out of his pocket. His eyes widen when he looks at the screen.

“Shit, I’m so late! I absolutely have to go, I—”

“Already?” Ash can’t help but to be disappointed. They have barely said two words to each other. “But I…”

Eiji looks back at him with a pained expression. He searches into his bag and takes out a piece of paper on which he scribbles a number.

“Here’s my number.” he says, pushing the piece of paper into Ash’s hands. “Please, call me when you can, I want to see you again, but I really need to go!”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

Eiji is already walking away. “Bye Ash,” he waves. And pauses. “You will call me, right?” He sounds so uncertain of it, suddenly, that he seems to forget how late he is to that mysterious thing he is supposed to be at. “Or maybe you should give me your number and I—”

“I’ll text it to you.” Ash says quickly, watching as Eiji’s phone buzzes again in his hand. He really must be late to something important. “I promise.”

“…Okay.” Eiji doesn’t seem much reassured, and Ash wonders what he ever did to give Eiji so little faith in himself.

If someone between the two of them should be having troubles trusting the other’s promise, it should be _Ash._ _He_ is not the one who promised he would write his best friend when they got separated, and then never reached out ever again, after all.

_Eiji _is.

Eiji’s phone stops buzzing. And then starts again. Eiji turns it off with a sigh. “I need to go. I’ll be waiting for your call, Ash!” And this time, he walks away without turning around again.

Ash tightens his grip on the piece of paper in his hand. Watching Eiji walk away when he’s just found him again leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. But he won’t let go so easily, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I feel like this AU is so self-indulgent, and I have WIPs I need to finish instead, but it wouldn’t leave my mind until I wrote it. 
> 
> I hope this first chapter isn’t too confusing as it doesn’t tell much about the characters’ background for now. (Also the pieces of text in brackets are flashbacks, I hope it wasn’t hard to tell.) 
> 
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/maracacias?lang=fr)


	2. Chapter 2

Ash arrives at the apartment in the early afternoon, his heart still beating too quickly when thinking about the encounter. He pushes the door and prepares himself for going straight to his room in hope he doesn’t cross Yut-Lung’s way, but freezes upon passing in the living-room.

From there, he can see their small balcony, so crowded with plants there isn’t any place left for standing on it.

“What the fuck.” he mutters to himself, bewildered. He was sure there was previously a chair and a drying rack on the balcony. Where could they possibly go?

“Hi, roomie.” Yut-Lung exits his room, a fake smile plastered on his thin lips and pulling a huge case behind him. “How are you today?”

Ash turns around to face him, his mouth still hanging open. “You— Are these plants_ yours_? Why is there so many of them?”

“Oh, this?” Yut-Lung waves a dismissive hand. “It’s nothing, I just went to my favorite flower shop, and ended up bringing with me plants they planned on throwing away. It would have been such a waste, wouldn’t it?”

Ash lets his bag fall on the floor and removes his jacket. “I guess…” he mutters reluctantly. “I would have liked to be concerted before you decided to turn our balcony into a jungle. I didn’t even know you gardened.”

Yut-Lung’s smile widens, and Ash thinks this is the first time he sees him having such a soft expression.

“We have a greenhouse, back at my mansion. My mother taught me how to garden and care for all sort of exotic plants. Of course, this is nothing in comparison, but I missed it.”

Oh. Ash feels his sour mood sweetens slightly. Who would have thought Yut-Lung could have human emotions? Not him. Not before this exchange.

“Well, I guess it’s alright as long as you take care of—”

“Actually,” Yut-Lung throws his braided hair over a shoulder and gracefully slides in a light coat. “I was hoping you would take care of it until next week. It would be hard for me to do so while being in Honk Kong, right?” 

“Hong Kong—? What—?”

“Thank you, I knew I could depend on you.” Yut-Lung exclaims, his dry smile returning on his lips. He walks to the front door, pulling his heavy case with him. “I will be back next Monday. Try not to put anything on fire in my absence!”

And he passes the door in a swish of his expensive clothes, without even sparing a last glance toward Ash.

Ash stares at the now closed door with quiet bewilderment. Did he hear incorrectly or is his roommate already leaving him alone for the week? If this isn’t a sick joke, he will be happy to take care of some plants in exchange for peace of mind for a week. 

Coming back to his senses, Ash shakes himself up and heads to his room. There, he gets his phone out and decides to text Eiji immediately. After all, he’s eager to see him again so why would he wait any longer?

But after he enters Eiji’s number in the device, he hesitates, his fingers hovering above the screen.

He doesn’t know what to write.

Which isn’t like him _at all_. Ash was never one to care about how he comes across by text. His friend Shorter likes to point out whenever the occasion presents itself that Ash sounds very harsh when he texts, but that’s just because Ash is precise and concise, and Shorter _knows _it.

But Eiji doesn’t. Or, at the very least, he surely doesn’t know it anymore. Ash doesn’t want to sound harsh to him. Or weird. Would it be worse to sound weird than harsh?

Ash curses under his breath. He really has no reason to hesitate.

**Ash:** Hey, it’s Ash.

He sends the text before he can think twice about it. And regrets it instantly. He puts a freaking dot at the end of his sentence, and Shorter always says only old folks do this.

_Jeez_, Ash doesn’t remember when was the last time he felt this self-conscious about anything.

Thankfully, his phone’s screen lights up nearly immediately, preventing him from spiraling into doubt.

**Eiji:** Hey! 😊

**Eiji:** so, you still want to meet up again? When are you free?

Ash smiles at his phone’s screen. Eiji had always been straight to the point, he feels dumb for his hesitation.

**Ash:** I’m free tonight

This time, Eiji’s response isn’t immediate, and Ash stares at his silent phone for an embarrassing amount of time. Maybe he was too eager when proposing tonight. He doesn’t want Eiji to think… what? That Ash is dying to see him again? That’s the truth, though.

His heart misses a beat when Eiji finally replies, minutes later.

**Eiji:** I can’t tonight, sorry, I got a thing I can’t cancel :c

Disappointment swells in Ash’s chest. Fortunately, another text sends it away as soon as it came, and he’s soon smiling again.

**Eiji:** Tomorrow night?

**Ash:** works for me

**Eiji:** Great! I can’t wait! 😊

Ash lets himself fall on the bed. The craziness of this all is finally dawning on him. He’s going to meet with his childhood best friend after years of being apart. There is so much he wants to know about Eiji, so much he wants to tell him. He missed him for so long, and until now he had never realized that deep down in his heart, he still had a small hope they would find each other again.

It felt so natural to talk to him earlier, even though their conversation was so short. Eiji has changed, obviously, and Ash is also surely much different from the child he was back then. But he isn’t too worried about that.

He smiles to himself as he remembers the way Eiji had beamed when he had spotted him, how he had run to meet him and how good it felt to be in his arms, even so briefly. Eiji still has the same smile Ash had missed so much, the one that makes it seems like he is glowing from within, softening his deep eyes and curving dimples in his cheeks.

A sigh leaves his lips as Ash stares at his phone. It’s been exactly eight years since the thought of a smile last made his heart feel so full.

\---

(Ash walks with his hand securely holding Eiji’s own. He still can’t believe he is really doing this.

Ash hasn’t celebrated Halloween since he was five, the year it went downhill and he scared himself with the pumpkin he was wearing on his head. Since then, he had always refused to go out for trick-or-treating again, even despite Eiji insistent pleading.

He knew his fear was stupid. After retelling his misadventure to his brother, he had come to understand he had been scared by the pumpkin he wore on his head, and not by an evil floating jack-o-lantern coming for his life. But even knowing this, thinking about walking in the dark and coming across all those pumpkins still made him tremble with fear.

But now, Ash is eight years old. He is a big boy, not a cry baby. So this time, when Eiji asks, Ash surprises him with a yes, and it’s worth it for the large smile Ash’s answer puts on Eiji’s face.

Or, well… Ash had thought it was worth it when he had announced it to Eiji. Now that they are walking in the dark, he isn’t so sure anymore. Every time they come across decorative pumpkins, he tightens his grip on Eiji’s hand and adverts his gaze, a chill running down his spine.

“Ash, are you alright?” Eiji tilts his head to stare at him from under his large witch’s hat, his worry evident in his tone. “We can go back if you’re not having fun.”

The truth is: Ash_ isn’t_ having fun. He had thought he would be fine, had convinced himself everything done with Eiji by his side would be amusing and would make him forget about his fear, but he can’t shake himself off the tension coursing through his body.

It had been alright at first. They had knocked on a bunch of doors and be greeted by kind neighbors who cooed at their costumes and gave them thousands of colored candies. But now that the sun has disappeared and that they are being swallowed in the dark, Ash can’t stop shivering, his heart beating too quickly in his ribcage for him to even hope to relax.

“I’m fine.” he manages to squeeze out of his tight throat. “This is fun.” 

Eiji glances at him, his mouth tightening into a line when he sees Ash’s pale face, and Ash knows he doesn’t believe him.

“You know what?” Eiji says with a voice that sounds too cheerful to be normal. “I am bored of this. Let’s go home and eat our candies, alright?” 

Ash wants to protest, because the night is still early and they have barely gone through three houses when every kid of the neighborhood will brag at school the next day with the number of houses they visited; but he feels too relieved by the idea of going back to bring himself to lie.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers miserably. “I know you were looking forward to tonight.”

Eiji presses his hand. “I was looking forward to spend time with my best friend. If you’re not enjoying yourself, then there’s no point.”

Usually, Eiji is quick to tease Ash about his stupid fear of pumpkins, but tonight his smile is soft and genuine, and Ash is easily comforted by it. He feels braver when they turn heels to return to Eiji’s home, but he doesn’t let go of Eiji’s hand.

In his other’s palm, he’s holding his bag of candies. He will make sure to give all the best ones to Eiji, tonight.)

\---

It’s nine p.m. when Ash arrives in front of Chang Dai, later that day. He parks his motorbike in the alley, like he always does. He didn’t come to eat, tonight, but only to pick up Shorter, who is supposed to have finished his shift and reclaimed Ash shows him his apartment. 

Ash met Shorter at a summer camp when he was fifteen. He was sent to said camp after Griffin had discovered Ash smoking with some of his less recommendable friends, and suddenly freaked out imagining that his little brother was taking a bad path in life.

Griffin wasn’t an overbearing brother. He mostly let Ash do whatever he wanted – he had always been very busy with working to assure them a living, anyway— and Ash was fine with that. When he was a kid, the Okumuras would care for him when Griffin had to work late, and by the time they moved away from them, Ash was old enough to know how to prepare himself pastas.

But because Griffin had so little time to spend with his little brother, he had always been quick to worry he wasn’t present enough in his life, and would easily convince himself he had made the wrong decision by taking Ash with him away from Cape Cod when Ash was six.

To prove him wrong, Ash had tried to be a model kid. Or at the very least, he had tried not to cause his brother more trouble than he already had to deal with. That’s why Ash hadn’t fought Griffin when he had suggested some fresh air away from the “thugs” he hung out with would be good for him.

Griffin couldn’t know then that Ash would just meet a new friend eligible to enter his older brother’s “thugs_”_ category.

Shorter was a regular at this camp, because his sister though that sending him away from New York once in a while would be a chance for him. Ash and he had easily bonded over being raised by cool and hard-working older siblings, among many other things.

Ash had returned to the camp to meet Shorter again the summer he turned sixteen, and from there they had stayed in contact by phone. When Ash had decided to study in New York, Shorter had made his personal mission to make him discover every corner of the city.

Ash had spent his first weeks in New York living at Shorter’s place, situated right above Chang Dai, before finding the apartment he now shared with Yut-Lung. He can’t say he doesn’t miss living with his friend, even though he had to sleep on the floor of Shorter’s bedroom and be bothered by his friend’s heavy breathing all night.

Shorter would have made an amazing roommate. It’s a shame Yut-Lung is so different from him.

Ash enters the restaurant and is greeted by the usual scent of gravy food. The place is rarely crowded, but tonight Ash has to slalom between the numerous clients sat inside. He’s heading to the kitchen but freezes before he can reach it.

Sitting at a table, his back turned to Ash, is_ Eiji_.

Eight freaking years without seeing Eiji and now Ash meets him everywhere he goes? Not that he’s complaining, but the coincidence is exaggerated enough…

It’s especially jarring to meet him in Chang Dai, as the restaurant isn’t by any mean a place favored by students and tourists. Outside of Chinatown, the only peoples knowledgeable enough to pass the doors of the old-looking building have to by tight with a Wong.

Shorter likes to say that he will change that someday. That thanks to him, Chang Dai will be able to live bright days taking money from people other than the regulars from Chinatown. Yet, he is still far from reaching his goal, so Ash would never have expected to see Eiji there…

Ash’s eyes travel from Eiji’s back to the man sat across from him. Ash can estimate he’s roughly the same age as them, and he got a pretty face with a sharp jaw and dark blond hair falling in his face. Ash can’t see Eiji’s expression, but the one he can discern on the other man’s face is telling enough.

Leaning over the table to talk as close as he can to Eiji, the man is looking at his friend with fondness, clearly enthralled.

It’s a date. Eiji couldn’t see Ash tonight because he got a date.

Something ugly and painful twists Ash’s stomach, and he doesn’t know what to make of it. Of course Eiji would be dating someone, he’s not a child anymore and he got eight whole years of his life to find love. Ash shouldn’t feel like he does about it. If anything, he should be happy for his friend, no?

He gazes at the man’s blond hair with a frown. Eiji had always liked blond hair. Or rather, he had always liked _Ash’s_ blond hair. When they were still very young, he used to compliment it a lot. He stopped while they grew up, though.

Ash turns around to walk away, but someone behind him scrap their chair loudly on the floor, and Eiji’s head turns reflexively toward the source of the noise.

Again, Ash can pinpoint exactly the moment Eiji sees him, as his friend’s surprise morphs into a large smile.

“Ash!”

Dammit. Eiji is waving to him, now. The last thing Ash wants is to meet his date.

And still, Ash approaches their table, because fighting the attraction that pulls him toward Eiji has always been pointless.

“Hi, Eiji.” he manages to say calmly, putting an extra effort in seeming casual. “Never thought I would see you again so soon.”

Eiji is positively beaming. “Me neither! I’m so glad! Sorry I couldn’t see you tonight, I couldn’t let Jasper down.” he says, gesturing to his date.

“No problem, I understand.”

Ash glances at Jasper, who is clearly assessing him. The man’s mouth pinches into a frown, and he salutes Ash with obvious reluctance.

“But it’s amazing to see you here!” Eiji continues, totally oblivious to the long stare Ash is exchanging with Jasper. “You should sit with us, Ash!”

A sour expression passes on Jasper’s face upon hearing Eiji’s proposition. Ash would feel bad for him, but strangely, the only emotion he can experience in reaction is sharp satisfaction, and he lets a small smirk settle on his lips.

He is nearly tempted to take Eiji’s proposal literally and sit with them, but it wouldn’t be fair. Eiji surely proposed it because he gets easily excited and didn’t think about the implication of having another man sit at his date’s table.

“No, it’s okay, I’ve got someone to meet here. We’re still seeing each other tomorrow, anyway, right?”

Eiji seems clearly disappointed, and he doesn’t even try to hide it. “Oh. Yes…” He tries a small smile. “See you tomorrow, then.”

Ash leaves them before he can change his mind. His childhood best friend is right there, and there’s so much he wants to know about him… But he never pictured their reunion to be with the presence of a third party. Plus, he needs to figure out why Jasper’s presence twisted his insides like it did. He doesn’t want to experience such an ugly feeling when he should only be happy to have found his best friend again.

\---

(The public playground is really an amazing place. Firstly, because it’s where Eiji retrieves Ash every weekend, as they have convinced their families to adopt a new routine allowing them to spend as much time as possible together; and secondly, because it has so much more place than Eiji’s garden to play and let one’s imagination run free.

When they’re in the playground, Ash and Eiji aren’t children anymore. They’re explorers getting lost in the jungle. Secret spies in mission for the queen. Knights sparring with enchanted swords. As long as they’re together, they can be anyone.

Today, Eiji is running away from Ash, who has put his two hands into a puddle of mug and is now threatening to dirty Eiji’s new tee-shirt with it; when he bumps into another kid, so violently he accidentally makes him fall on his back.

“Oops, sorry.” Eiji quickly apologizes. “I didn’t see you.”

The kid gets up, his face scrunched by anger. “Oh yeah? Then what are these big eyes of yours for, uh?” he spits, pointing to Eiji’s face.

Eiji remembers that his mom always says it’s rude to point to someone like this. She also says that fighting is bad, so Eiji only frowns at the kid, his cheeks burning with shame. It isn’t the first time someone comments on his wide eyes.

“I thought Chinese were supposed to have small squinty eyes.” the other child continues, using his fingers to narrow his own eyes into slits in demonstration.

“He’s not even Chinese you dumb fuck.”

Eiji didn’t hear Ash arrive in his back. His best friend continues to walk until he is placed in front of Eiji, like he is hoping to shield him with his body. It’s kind of strange to see because Ash is smaller than Eiji, and as a result much smaller than the mean kid.

“Ash, what are you doing?”

“I’m going to kick his ass.” Ash declares calmly, bumping up his chest to appear taller. “You should step back, Eiji.”

“What? Ash no!”

Ash takes a step forward, and the kid in front of them raises his two fists. Eiji looks around him, searching for a way out of this mess. He doesn’t want Ash to fight, especially not for_ him_. Ash is so much smaller than the mean kid, he’s sure to have his ass beaten.

But then, Ash throws himself at the other kid, and they fall on the floor. Eiji is quick to jump into battle, doing his best to try to detach his friend from the taller child.

Fortunately, Eiji’s mother was surely watching from afar, because she’s by their side soon, her sole presence stopping the fight. Nearly immediately the other kid’s mother is there as well, and she’s quick to argue with Eiji’s mom over who’s at fault for the fight.

Ash shoves his fists in his pockets, scowling. “I would have beaten his ass.” he mutters, staring at the arguing women.

“I know.” Eiji whispers. “I’m glad you didn’t have to, though. I hate it when you fight.”

Green eyes stare back at him, their intensity pinning Eiji in place. “I don’t mind fighting.” Ash says decidedly. “For you, I would fight the whole world, Eiji.”

Eiji isn’t sure how he should feel about that declaration. He sure hopes Ash will never have to do that.)

\---

“Dude! Your couch is horrible!” Shorter whines for the tenth time, squirming on Ash’s little sofa to try to find a comfortable position. “My ass is already sore from sitting on it!”

Ash gulps down his beer silently. The couch was left by the last tenants, and he soon came to realize why. Not only it’s too narrow for one to be able to lay sprawled on it comfortably, but it’s also full of old springs that you can feel pocking your back wherever you sit down.

Shorter decides finally to abandon the couch to sit on the floor, his back pressed against the defiant furniture. “Why don’t you go and buy another one?” he grunts, leaning in to grab a new can of beer on the short table in front of him.

“I’m waiting for my roommate to do it in my place. He’s definitely able to afford us a new one, and I know he will hate whatever I buy myself anyway.”

“Hum, well meanwhile I propose we hang out at _my_ place instead of here.”

Ash shrugs. “Whatever. You’re the one who wanted to come here tonight.”

“Yeah, well I should have known you weren’t the type to care about your guests’ comfort.” Shorter mutters somberly, patting his sore back for good measure.

“You should have.” Ash agrees mindlessly. He lets the silence stretch between them while he drinks more of his beer. When he glances at Shorter again, he finds his friend frowning at him.

“What?” Ash asks. “I’ve got something on my face?”

Shorter’s frown deepens. “Nah, I’m… I’m trying to understand why you look so gloomy tonight.”

“I’m not gloomy.”

“Right. And my hair’s not purple.”

Ash finishes his beer in one long sip, before throwing the empty can across the table. It describes a perfect arc before landing right on Shorter’s head.

“It might turn white if you keep worrying about other people’s problems.” he snickers as Shorter whines and cradles his head with an offended expression.

Ash had expected Shorter to grunt some more, or maybe to throw his own can at his head, but instead, he sees his friend lights up.

“Oh, so you _do_ have a problem, uh?”

Ash recoils on his footstool, annoyed to have played himself so stupidly. “I wouldn’t really call it a problem. I just had a weird day and got a lot on my mind in result.”

“Huh-uh.” Shorter nods, visibly trying to look disinterested as he waits for Ash to spill everything out of his system.

Normally, it would immediately work wonders, but tonight, Shorter has to wait until Ash has drank two more beers until his friend decides to finally unclench his teeth.

“Shorter...” he begins slowly, trying to align his thoughts. “You think it’s possible to, like… be in love with the same person for your whole life? Even if you’re not even sure you know who the person really is now that you didn’t see them for years? The feelings are just… _there_? Like they’ve never gone away?”

Ash sees Shorter’s face go through different degrees of stupefaction.

“That’s… an awfully specific question, dude. You’re not seriously expecting me to answer that, right?”

Ash exhales sharply. “Let’s say you fall in love with your best friend when you are a child. Then, you are separated from him for years, before meeting him again.”

“Oh, so we’re talking about a _him_.” Shorter comments, the corner of his lips darting up. “A friend you had since childhood?”

“It’s not me, it’s hypothetical.” Ash grunts in response. Shorter’s expression shows no change indicating he believes him, but Ash chooses to continue his speculation anyway. “So, if you meet this friend briefly after years, you shouldn’t still be in love with them, right? That would be weird, right?”

Shorter groans. “Ash, I’ve drank too much for this shit. Just tell me what happened and be over with it.”

“Alright.” Ash straightens himself up, so Shorter can understand he means serious business. None of what he feels right now makes any sense, and Shorter is the only friend he has with some sort of experience in relationships…

…Even if said relationships are never long-lasting in Shorter’s case, making him maybe not as suited for helping Ash as he had first thought.

“So, I met an old friend today,” Ash explains anyway, because he needs to put it out of his system and if he doesn’t spill it to Shorter, he will have to talk to Griffin instead, and that’s not a conversation he is ready to have with him. “And _yes_, perhaps I had a small crush on him when we were younger, so stop making this dumb face and listen to what comes next.”

Shorter was already smiling widely at the mention of Ash’s crush, and he coos stupidly at him. “You should have begun with this! Jeez Ash, I never would have thought you were the type to even use the word _crush_.”

“So,” Ash continues louder in order to cover Shorter’s voice. “I’ve seen this friend again today, and I feel all weird about it. That’s all.”

Shorter lifts a pierced brow. “Define _weird_.”

“Well, I don’t know, that’s the problem!” Ash shoots, his exasperation more directed toward himself than toward Shorter’s unhelpful comment. “On one hand I am so happy to see him again of course, I couldn’t stop smiling all afternoon!”

This is a dumb thing to say, especially to Shorter who is now grinning knowingly at him, but Ash blames it on the alcohol in his system.

“But there’s also…” Ash sighs. “I don’t know, all I can think about is how I want to see him again, how I want to_ know_ him again, like it was when we were children, but…” Ash lowers his gaze to his hands in his lap. “I’m afraid I’ll fall for him again.” he murmurs, mostly to himself. “Or that maybe the feelings I had for him have never faded away… which is _crazy_, but I’ve never met anyone who made me feel like this except him and—"

“Wow, slow down!” Shorter interrupts him. “If I understand correctly, there’s a guy you might like and you get to meet him again. Why would you be _afraid _of it?”

Ash half-shrugs. “I already know it will lead nowhere. He will never… reciprocate my feelings. He didn’t when we were children, and he won’t either now.”

“Ah shit.” Shorter grimaces. “He was your first heartbreak?”

Ash lets out a small laugh. “You could say that. I don’t blame him, though, I think he never realized my feelings.”

“Then how do you know he didn’t love you? You never confessed?”

“I didn’t need to. He made it clear times and times again that he wasn’t interested into being anything more than best friends. Which I get, to be honest, because additionally the age difference didn’t exactly play in my favor…”

“Age difference?”

“He’s two years older than me. Of course it means nothing today, but back then…”

“Oh.” Shorter grins. “Then why do you even worry? Maybe he didn’t fall in love with snotty brat Ash, but now that you are a handsome dude you can sweep him off his feet!”

“As if it was so easy.” Ash mumbles darkly. “Plus, I think he got a boyfriend.”

Shorter grimaces sympathetically. “You know if it’s serious?”

“I have no idea. Like I said, I’ve only seen him briefly, so I don’t even know if we will get along as well as we did when we were children.” Ash pauses and frowns to himself. “That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it, it’s stupid anyway.”

“Well, you want my thoughts on it, right?” Shorter asks thoughtfully. “To me it’s easy: next time you see him, you flash him a charming smile and you say something like: ‘Dude, I know we’ve been bro since childhood, but ever since I saw you again I’ve been thinking non-stop about sucking you up.’ And what happens next is—”

“Fucking hell, Shorter! It’s not like that!”

Shorter snorts, raising a palm up. “Alright, I was joking, calm down! But really, I think you should just continue to see him and see where it goes? Then, if you still got this crush on him, you just admit your feelings and see what happens.”

“Yeah,” Ash acquiesces. “That was more or less the plan already.”

“Then stop making this dumb face and snap out of it already!”

Ash stands up, stumbling a bit on his feet. He drank more than he should have considering the long days of lectures waiting for him tomorrow, but at least it should knock him out to sleep quickly. Shorter calls himself a cab and leaves after making Ash promise to keep him updated on his so-called love story.

Ash isn’t sure he will keep his promise and can already tell he’s going to regret telling so much to his friend once he has less alcohol in his system. But for now, he staggers toward his bed and lets sleep win him over.

Tomorrow’s problems are for tomorrow’s Ash.

\---

(Ash has just turned 11 when he finally understands what it’s like to be heartbroken.

Before that day, he had always thought it was just a stupid word used to describe the crying women he saw in the soaps Mrs. Okumura enjoyed watching after dinner. After, he could finally describe what it was like to feel his heart physically bleed out.

Ash had never thought too deeply about how exactly he could name the feelings he had for Eiji. He loved him and knew Eiji cared just as much in return, and they were best friends and would stay best friends forever. These were just hard facts to Ash: he wanted to be by Eiji’s side all the time, and his friend felt the exact same about him.

Yet this specific day of summer, for the first time, he finds out that his feelings and Eiji’s aren’t perfectly aligned. And it hurts like a bitch.

They are playing truth or dare with a bunch of other kids in the park when it happens. All of them are older than Ash and already middle schoolers when Ash will only become one after the summer, so he does his best not to act like a baby in front of them.

Which means he pretends he’s enjoying playing this boring game, when he would literally prefer to do anything else. And with only Eiji, preferentially.

Once it’s Eiji’s turn, a girl dares him to kiss Ash on the lips, and Ash rolls his eyes and turns toward Eiji, prepared to get over with this stupid dare. But Eiji only side-glances at him, embarrassed.

“Ah.” he says to the girl. “We can’t do that. Choose another dare, please.”

“You can’t? Why not?” she asks, and yeah, Ash was wondering the same. “I thought you guys were in love or something.” 

Eiji blushes furiously, his eyebrows flying to his hairline. “We’re not!” he exclaims quickly. “We’re best friends! It would be weird to kiss so I don’t want to, that’s all!” He searches Ash’s eyes, obviously waiting for him to confirm that the dare is ridiculous and that they can’t do it, but Ash stays silent.

Because there, Ash’s little heart is broken at the same time he realizes what romantic love is. Because, didn’t they love each other? Ash knew they did. But apparently, _being in love_ was something entirely different from love between best friends.

Ash doesn’t think he can ever love anyone more than he loves Eiji, and he knows this love is different from the familial love he has for his brother. Is it what it means to be in love? And does Eiji not feel the exact same way about him?

Maybe Eiji is right. Kissing is weird and not something Ash has ever wanted to try. Kissing his best friend would probably be awkward too.

But now that he thinks about it, now that the thought is here, planted in his mind by this stupid girl who wanted to play this stupid game, it doesn’t wither. Even worse, it consolidates with time, until Ash realizes he would, in fact, like very much to be kissed by his best friend.

Later, Ash goes to the library and asks to be given books about love. Another adult than the librarian would probably have laughed at his face or directed him toward the kids’ aisle, but Ash frequents the place enough to be well-known there, and is always taken seriously.

His researches are quick and the result is clear enough: friendship and romantic love are two different feelings. Ash is in love with Eiji. Eiji sees him as his best friend.

It’s fine.

The summer ends quickly after Ash’s discovery, and he enters middle school, finally catching up to his best friend. Their time together stays the same, and Eiji never makes Ash feel like he doesn’t love him to the greater extent possible, so Ash can easily sit on his feelings and enjoys what they have.

The only change is Ash being far more conscious about the age difference separating him from Eiji, and getting mad when his best friend treats him like a baby. Ash isn’t a baby anymore, he is a_ teen_, just like his friend, so _no _Eiji doesn’t have to hold his hand when they are crossing a pathway, thank you very much big bro.

(He still lets Eiji do it because he enjoys holding his hand, and _yes_, the difference it makes _is _important, even if he can’t tell it to Eiji.)

Sometimes, when they are watching T.V with Mrs. Okumura, Ash imagines what it would be like, if Eiji acted like the guy in the movie and cradled his head in his hands, whispering sweet words of eternal love to his ear. But when it happens, Eiji will always elbow him and ask why is Ash so ridiculously red in front of such a dumb movie, and Ash will have to tell him to fuck off.

It was fine. If Ash hadn’t had to move to the other end of the country at the end of the year, forced to do so because a friend of Griffin had finally found him a stable job in a bigger city, Ash could have gone like this forever.

It was fine.

(It wasn’t))

\---

Eiji is waiting for Ash on a bench in Central Park, the warmth afternoon made bearable by a soft breeze. He just received an update from Yut-Lung, who is apparently having a terrible time in Hong-Kong.

But really, Yut-Lung is always saying he’s having a terrible time anywhere he goes, so Eiji isn’t too worried about him.

What worries him more is that he managed to talk to Sing the night before, as the teenager was indeed working a late shift at Chang Dai, but hadn’t been able to get him to admit what was happening between Yut-Lung and him lately.

He had been certain Sing would clear away Yut-Lung’s doubts if Eiji confronted him about it, but instead, his friend had very obviously avoided the subject, completely red in the face for a reason Eiji couldn’t quite explain.

He is mulling over what he could do to make things right again between his two friends, when Ash arrives, every bit as beautiful as he was the day before. He smiles widely when he sees Eiji, as if he just can’t help it, and Eiji is grinning even wider in response.

Retrieving his former best friend after eight long years apart had sure shocked him. But more than shock, it was pure happiness that had overthrown Eiji’s whole being when his gaze had met the eyes of the blond figure staring at him from afar.

The recognition had been immediate: Eiji had never met anyone else but Ash possessing these amazing jade eyes coupled with ethereal blond hair and pale skin. 

Yes, Ash hadn’t changed enough for Eiji not to recognize him at the very first glance. But that didn’t mean he didn’t change _at all_.

Apart from his growth spurt –which was still infuriating Eiji— Ash had become… simply _handsome_. And Eiji_ didn’t_ remember his best friend to be handsome.

Eiji can feel heat crawls up on his cheeks, when Ash reaches him. It’s just so good to see his friend again, that Eiji doesn’t really know what to do with himself.

“So,” Ash slumps gracefully next to him on the bench. “This is really happening, eh?”

Eiji smiles. The situation seems so unreal to him also, he still hasn’t fully realized. Even_ Ash_ seems unreal, as he looks so effortlessly good with his shirt half tucked into ripped jeans and the light flush on his cheeks. Eiji wonders distantly if the pink on his face is provoked by the fresh air or if Ash rushed to meet him. 

“There’s so many things I want to ask you…” he says. “I don’t even know where to start…”

Ash nods thoughtfully. “What if we played this game? The one Alicia Noce always wanted us to play with her?”

“The twenty questions game?” Eiji tilts his head to the side. “You hated that game. You also disliked Alicia…”

Ash huffs. “She was a total creep, but you were too nice to tell her to leave us alone, so we had to endure it.” He shrugs while Eiji grazes sheepishly at his neck. “I just thought this game could allow us to question each other without it feeling like a job interview or something.”

“Alright, this is a good idea actually. I will start!” Eiji proposes. When they were children, Ash never proposed to play the game unless he had a very specific and embarrassing question to ask, and Eiji is curious to see what it could be this time. “Hum… What are you doing in New York? You’re a student or—”

“Hey, one question! Remember, you have to think it through!” Ash counters, a grin spreading on his face. “But I’ll be indulgent and answer accordingly. I’m a student at the NYU. I’m double majoring in journalism and political science. First year.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Eiji beams, impressed. “I’m not surprised though; you were already so smart when we were younger!”

Ash shrugs again, turning his head to the side a bit so Eiji can’t see his face. He used to do the same gesture when he was younger, adverting his face in hope Eiji wouldn’t see his blush. It’s still as adorable as it was before, and the familiarity of it makes Eiji feels all giddy inside.

“My turn.” Ash says, gritting his throat. “Same question back at you.”

“I major in photography. I have an internship with a photojournalist that takes a lot of my time right now.”

“Photography?” Ash’s eyes widen slightly. “That’s cool, I… Would never have guessed…”

Eiji chuckles. “Of course, this wasn’t one of my interests as a kid. In fact, I kind of became interested with the subject by chance. Leaving high school, even I would never have guessed I would end up wanting to become a photographer.”

“Really? Why?”

“I…” Eiji hesitates. He would have liked to keep the conversation light, but it seems important to let Ash know about this part of his life. “When I was in high school, I was a pole-vaulter. I got a scholarship to continue vaulting at university, and it had gone well for a while… But I injured myself last year, and never managed to retrieve my competitive level… I felt pretty low for a while, and needed a change of life, when a friend proposed me an internship in New York.”

“Oh.” Ash’s expression has darkened, just like Eiji knew it would. “I—”

“It’s okay, it’s all better now.” Eiji assures quickly. He really doesn’t want to bother Ash with his problems first thing when they have just reunited. “It’s my turn!” he adds before Ash can talk. “Hum.. How’s Griffin?”

Ash frowns. Clearly, he has seen Eiji’s poor attempt at changing the subject for what it is. He lets out a short sigh, but thankfully lets the subject drop.

“My brother’s well. He’s been writing consistently for a journal since last year, so he’s got a steady income.” Ash quirks a lopsided smile. “I’m glad you’re concerned about Griff, but weren’t you supposed to ask questions about _me_?”

“There’s no rule stating I can’t ask you about someone else.” Eiji counters lightly.

Ash’s smile widens. “I guess you’re right. By the way, my brother’s coming to New York this weekend and I meant to show him my new apartment. You should come too, he will be happy to see you.”

“Oh, I would love that!”

“Great. I will text you the address.”

Eiji nods eagerly. He is relieved Ash still seems to want to spend time with him. He wasn’t too sure after seeing him be so stiff back at Chang Dai, and feared Ash might not want them to pick up where they left off, all these years ago.

“Okay, it’s my turn again.” Ash continues. He doesn’t look at Eiji when he asks the next question, clearly putting an effort in appearing nonchalant. “So, how was your date last night? With uh… Jared, was it? How long have you two been dating?”

Oh. This really was the last question Eiji would have expected from his friend, as they were never really talkative about dating related stuffs when they were children. He is so surprised he doesn’t think about calling Ash out even though he asked three whole questions instead of one.

“Jasper.” Eiji corrects mechanically. “And, well…” he hesitates and lets out a sigh. There’s no point in hiding it from Ash. “It went as well as I expected… Which means: not well at all.”

Ash breathes in sharply, facing Eiji again. “It didn’t go well? Why?”

“It’s not your turn to ask a question.”

Ash darkens. “Oh, come on. This game was a dumb idea to begin with. Just answer me already.” he huffs, his lips stretched in a pout.

Eiji openly laughs at him, which just makes the pout deepens on Ash’s lips. “I knew you would be the first to get tired of this game, but I expected you to go further than two questions.” Eiji chuckles. “Did you ever realize, that in all the times we tried to play this game, we never made it to the twentieth question because you were never patient enough?”

“I can be patient!” Ash whines, surely not realizing that it makes him looks so alike the child he was in Eiji’s memories. “I just don’t see the point in using this patience for a boring game like this one.”

“Well, it was your idea in the first place.”

“And I already said it was stupid, no need to make me admit it a third time now!”

Eiji giggles again, watching as Ash’s grimace begins to show the first cracks. It had always been hard for his friend to keep scowling at Eiji when the latter laughed, and Eiji is glad to see some things hadn’t changed.

“To reply to your question,” Eiji says, deciding to be lenient and end Ash’s _patient_ wait. “It wasn’t even really a date, last night. I shouldn’t even have agreed to it in the first place.”

Ash frowns. “Then why did you go?” he asks, confusion written all over his face. “Did he force you to?”

“No, it wasn’t like that! Just…” Eiji adverts his gaze, suddenly embarrassed by the intensity with which Ash is staring at him. “Ah, I was feeling kinda lonely lately, and Jasper… Well, he is a nice guy. And he really insisted. I didn’t really know what to say so I said yes…”

“That’s stupid.”

Eiji rolls his eyes. “I know it is, you’re not the first person to tell me this.”

“So nothing happened?” Ash asks, something somewhat hopeful in his tone. “You just ate dinner and told him there wouldn’t be a second date?”

Eiji blushes. “More or less. Let’s say he accompanied me back to my apartment, hoped for a kiss, and was vexed when I told him it wouldn’t happen.”

“Ah,” Ash chuckles, but it’s a bit bitter for some reason. Eiji thinks he hears him mutters _“Tell me about it.”_ to himself, but he can’t be sure.

“Could we talk about literally anything else?” Eiji asks. “It was really embarrassing and honestly I just want to forget about it.”

Fortunately, they have much more interesting things to discuss, and they’re soon recalling funny childhood memories and trying to cover as much of what happened to them since they were separated as they can. Eiji is relieved to realize it’s still so easy to talk with Ash. Sure, there’s a lot they don’t know about the other, but the pull they always felt toward each other seems to be intact.

There’s one question Eiji can’t bring himself to ask, though. Even after years spent yearning to know the answer, now that he has found Ash again, he isn’t sure if he still wants to know why didn’t his friend ever reply to the letter Eiji had sent him when they had been separated.

Once they get hungry from talking so much, Ash goes and buys them two hot dogs from a nearby street vendor. Eiji looks at the one Ash hands him with a light frown, staring suspiciously at the mustard he can see dripping from it.

Ash follows his gaze and his face lights up. “Relax,” he says, amusement easily audible in his voice. “I told the vendor to go easy on the mustard for you. Figured you still had your weak tongue.”

Eiji feels himself blush. “My tongue isn’t weak.” he protests, and really, what sort of comment is that, anyway? He would grumble about it some more, but he can’t help but to be weirdly endeared Ash remembered his disliking of strong mustard.

Ash shoots a knowing look his way, before taking a large bite of his own hot dog. “This is what is good about New York.” he says, humming with contentment. “You can buy a hot dog at every street corner.”

“You said it was your first year here, right?” Eiji asks, eating his hot dog much more slowly than Ash, and appreciating it half less. “You had time to go around the city yet?”

Ash rolls his eyes. “Yeah, a friend literally took me everywhere when I first came here. He said he didn’t want to be seen with a country bumpkin, so he had to teach me all about the city until I wasn’t one anymore.”

“So I’m guessing you’ve already seen the public library, hum?”

Ash’s eyes gleam, his blond head bobbing up. “Of course. It’s even better than what I imagined. Probably my favorite place out of everything.”

“I knew you would like it.” Eiji smiles, recalling the first time he had been there himself. He had never shared his friend’s love for books and libraries, but seeing the place and thinking about how much Ash would have loved it had made him all excited back then.

The sun is already setting when they walk to the park’s gates, their steps heavy as if to steal as much time as possible before reaching their point of separation.

“It’s strange…” Ash says suddenly, breaking the peace of a contemplative silence. “There was a time when you were the person I knew better than myself. And now years have passed, and we’re nearly strangers…”

Eiji observes him from the corner of his eyes, taking in his thoughtful expression, the quiet sorrow in his eyes.

“But it’s good, right?” Eiji observes. “That way, we get to meet each other all over again!”

Ash’s mouth opens slightly, surprise painted clearly on his face. “I… didn’t see things that way...” he says pensively. “I like this idea.”

“Besides,” Eiji continues. “I don’t think I have changed that much.”

“Hum, that’s at least true physically wise.” Ash agrees easily. “When I first saw you from afar, I wondered if you had discovered the secret of eternal youth, since you didn’t seem to have changed one bit compared to your thirteen-years-old self.”

Eiji glares darkly at him, which only seems to increase his amusement. “You didn’t change much either,” he counters. “You were a small dickhead, and now you’re a tall one. Same difference.”

Ash bursts a laugh at that, his eyes catching the light. “You’re lying, Eiji.” he teases, suddenly bringing his shit-eating grin very close to Eiji’s face. “I’ve been told I’ve grown up to become quite handsome. By _multiple_ sources.”

It’s unfair how Eiji can feel his whole face change color, and yet can’t do a thing about it. It’s also unfair how Ash is probably not even exaggerating. He could tell Eiji he gets called beautiful everyday just walking the street, and Eiji would believe him, because he just became _that _handsome.

Ash leans back, shoving his hands into his pockets and chuckling to himself. “You’re still so easy to tease.” he observes, his voice softening. “I’ve missed that.” As the words leave his lips, he freezes, as if he had said more than planned, and his eyes flickers to Eiji’s face. 

That’s a good thing for them both that Eiji has always prided himself with being an expert at deciphering the meaning behind Ash’s odd behaviors.

“I’ve missed you too, Ash.” he replies in the same tone, watching the way his response makes pink blossom on Ash’s cheeks and has his green eyes widen in surprise.

“E-even though I’m a dickhead?” Ash retorts, his affected composure betrayed by the way his voice stumbles on the words.

Eiji confirms with a nod, and a smile returns on Ash’s face as he playfully bumps his friend with his shoulder and complains about how cheesy Eiji sounds.

Long after they’ve said each other goodbye, Eiji is still contemplating his mental image of this smile, remembering how bright it was and how intensely it had made Ash’s green eyes shine.

He had never regretted so deeply not to have taken his camera with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I’m procrastinating on writing a bunch of essays for uni, so here is a quick update!
> 
> Please, let me know your thoughts!


End file.
